Friday, February 15, 2019

News Limerick: February 15, 2019

Since Amazon found its new site
Some locals declared "it's not right!
With tax breaks galore
We'll have to pay more!
So tell them to go fly a kite"

Amazon’s Retreat on New York City Headquarters Followed Unexpected Backlash

Thursday, February 14, 2019

News Limerick: February 14, 2019

There once was a rover named Oppy
The size of a good old jalopy
It had a good run
The mission’s now done
Success like that’s so hard to copy

Rest well, rover

Monday, February 11, 2019

News Limerick: February 11, 2019

Releasing the year’s new emojis
Adds food (but not berries like gojis)
With wheelchairs and canes
And shapes bright and plain
There’s yo-yos and even banjojies!

Emoji Recently Added, v12.0

Saturday, February 9, 2019

News Limerick: February 9, 2019

In FaceTime he found quite a bug
At first Apple only would shrug
But now that it’s patched
Rewards are dispatched
(Just please don’t look under the rug)

Apple releases FaceTime fix, rewards 14-year-old who discovered eavesdropping bug

Friday, February 8, 2019

News Limerick: February 8, 2019 Part II

The story then turns on a dime
They may have committed a crime
And if it’s for real
They broke their plea deal
And soon they’ll be serving some time

If AMI’s Jeff Bezos Shakedown Was Criminal, They Can Kiss Their Non-Prosecution Agreement Goodbye

News Limerick: February 8, 2019

Seems Bezos has had an affair
And Pecker has photos to share
Bu when things look tough
Ol’ Jeff calls his bluff
And turns the whole table with flair

No thank you, Mr. Pecker

Thursday, February 7, 2019

News Limerick: February 7, 2019

Virginia’s a trio of scandal
It may just be too much to handle
From blackface to sex
One wonders what’s next
They’re burning all sides of the candle

Democrats face meltdown in Virginia as racial and sex charges confront party leaders

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

News Limerick: February 6, 2019

The news from the church truly stuns
Abuse by the priests of the nuns?!
To add to the scandal
Abortions were handled
By using unspecified funds

Pope Francis Acknowledges, For First Time, Sexual Abuse Of Nuns By Priests

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

News Limerick: January 30, 2019

You hear of the big polar vortex?
I hope they have jackets with Gore Tex
With such a chill breeze
I’d get a brain freeze
And feel it in my frontal cortex

Deadly polar vortex puts the Midwest in a deep freeze

Saturday, January 26, 2019

News Limerick: January 26, 2019

The shutdown had got my head spinning
It ends a month after beginning
But as for the wall
He got nothing at all
I guess he was tired of winning

Trump Signs Bill Reopening Government for 3 Weeks in Surprise Retreat From Wall

Friday, January 25, 2019

News Limerick: January 25, 2019

They indicted that guy Roger Stone
Who for crimes he has done must atone
But when all’s said and done
Things have still just begun
For they don’t think he acted alone

Longtime Trump adviser Roger Stone indicted by special counsel in Russia investigation

Thursday, January 24, 2019

News Limerick: January 24, 2019

There’s two presidents in Venezuela
Which I fear may distress mi abuela
For when invites are sent
Someone’s time will be spent
Thinking who to invite to the gala

Sunday, January 6, 2019

A whole brunch of trouble

I’d like to tell you a story about my weekend. It starts out with a very kind invitation from an elderly widow a few houses up. Let’s call her Mrs. Whitman. I hear she doesn’t get out too much and is rather lonely, so I guess she decided she wanted to get to know her neighbors a bit better. She invited us and a few of her other neighbors over for a casual get together this morning.

Mrs. Whitman is apparently something of an experienced chef because she prepared some truly amazing food, much of it from scratch. The rolls and cheesy grits were quite tasty, but the quiche really blew me away. I had to compliment her on it, of course.

The problem is one of the other guys who was there. We’ll call him “Tony”. Tony is really competitive and can find a way to turn anything into a fight. I don’t know how he does it, but it always bothers me and I sometimes let it get under my skin a bit too much. In any case, today Tony was in rare form, even for him.

As soon as I complimented Mrs. Whitman’s quiche, Tony had to jump in with an even more superlative compliment comparing it to something he’d eaten on a fancy European trip across France and Italy and how this surpassed even the master chefs there. Flattered, Mrs. Whitman insisted he have the last slice.

I really don’t know what came over me. I think I said something like, “Oh, but I must have just a taste more, it’s truly divine” as I quickly reached for the pie server to cut off just a bit for myself. Tony’s hand was already halfway to there and we locked eyes as we each laid our hands on it.

That must be why we didn’t notice that the cut glass pitcher of sweet tea was right there next to it. Of course, our sudden movement as we each went to pull the server our way somehow ended up going sideways, and we knocked the half full pitcher right over into Mrs. Whitman’s lap. It bounced off and fell to the hard wood floor. As it landed just wrong, the handle snapped off and shattered.

To make matters worse, that delicate pitcher had been a wedding gift and was one of the few things she had left that brought to mind her dear departed husband. Needless to say, the brunch was completely ruined in that single instant. Nothing either of us could say could repair the damage done. We all said our goodbyes rather awkwardly shortly thereafter and I don’t expect to be invited back.
It just goes to show - one mad grapple spoils the brunch.
Oh, and if you're feeling bad for Mrs. Whitman? She really only invited us over because she’s the leader of a local grannie gang. She wanted us all out of our houses so her people could break into our places.

Luckily we have a good security system, “Safe Hello”, which caught them and set off an alarm. By the time we were on our way out, the cops had already arrived at the street and were rounding up the culprits.

Here’s the real twist, though. Tony is one of their enforcers and was in on it too! So we know due to Safe Hello Tony’s Whitman’s friend.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

A-Voting

[To the tune of "A-roving"; clean and G-rated, if slow tempo, version here]
Election Day, it’s time to vote
Mark well what I do say
Election Day, it’s time to vote
Unless you are a giant dolt
     (Chorus)
It’s time to go a-voting, Election Day!
A-voting, a-voting I’ll fill my ballot with black pen
It’s time to go a-voting, Election Day!
I looked up all the candidates
Mark well what I do say
I looked up all the candidates
Found some were sane and some were nuts
(Chorus)
I went into my polling place
Mark well what I do say
I went into my polling place
For I had studied every race
(Chorus)
They handed me my ballot then
Mark well what I do say
They handed me my ballot then
And to the booth I gladly went
(Chorus)
I filled my ballot out with care
Mark well what I do say
I filled my ballot out with care
For that’s the reason I was there
(Chorus)
When I was done I checked it twice
Mark well what I do say
When I was done I checked it twice
There’d be no rolling of the dice
(Chorus)
I put my ballot in the box
Mark well what I do say
I put my ballot in the box
And got a sticker! Voting Rocks!
(Chorus)

Monday, October 29, 2018

Some responses

I reject the thin offer of your thoughts and your prayers
Sickly saccharine sweet they should stick to your tongue
Their paper-thin promise of protection leaves the space between us
empty

You think you present me with a gift of comfort
When what I need is for you to do and to stand
The gift you are giving is to yourself
As you swaddle yourself in impotent, ignorant inaction



Don't think to tell me of God's will
Where was God when the trigger clicked
When the bullets flew
When blood spilled?

God will not save us
Because God has already given
All that we need
To change the world

Our strength
Our voices
Our minds
Ourselves



How can you expect more bullets to solve this?
How can you expect the threat of death to deter?
Hyped on violence and sick twisted words
An attacker fears no pain

And one more life is one too many

Monday, April 2, 2018

Lord of the Pings

A friend got an email from Amazon signed:
"Best regards, 
Aragorn
Amazon Web Services"
So I wrote a poem:
All that’s on hold is not bitter,
Not every caller is lost;
The password so strong is no quitter,
Root login protect at all cost. 
From sleep the VMs shall be woken
A light from the LEDs springs
Restart all the Blades with ring tokens
The cloud will respond to all pings

Friday, February 17, 2017

The best thing

Roses are red
for a new one
today

But—
the best thing about it
was that I was able
(for the first day)
to work
on the weekend


Red but not only

Roses are red
or... "red
but not only"; a
good thing
to be thankful to be.

The only thing
I have ever
learned
is that it
doesn't

matter.


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

"The Time of Silence" by Sleepin and Bedbunkle

Hello 5:30 frenemy
Here once again it's you I see
I truly wish that I were asleep
Yet I was woken when I heard a peep
And the dreams I had are now buried in my brain
And I remain
Awake to seek - my caffeine