Sunday, July 31, 2022

Farmyard Matchmaker

I recently was flipping through the hundreds of free channels on my Roku TV and came across a rather unusual game show. The premise was that farmers would bring some of their animals, and the host would invite two different farmers at a time to come into the pen to see if they’d match well and get along, ignore each other, or if they’d act aggressive and territorial.

The host said, “Let’s bring out Bessie the cow and Herbert the horse!”

Well, the cow and horse came out, and at first seemed content to just be on stage together without interacting, but then Bessie slowly approached Herbert. She gave him a tentative nuzzle, and after a moment he leaned into it and nuzzled back.

”Fantastic! We have a match!” the host grinned.

“Next,” the host continued, “we have Peter the pig and Darren the ram.”

Out came the pig and sheep, and right away it was clear there were going to be problems. Peter grunted and snorted loudly, not taking his eyes off the ram. Darren, meanwhile, lowered his head, showing his horns and pawing at the ground. Before either could start to charge, the farmers swooped in and directed them off the set.

“Oh no! Looks like we have…” the host began, pausing and leaning toward the studio audience. They all sang out in chorus, “no match!!”

“And our final contestants today,” the host said, “are a first for us here on Farmyard Matchmaker. We have not just two possible friends, but two groups to try to match! Farmer Brown, who do you have with you today?”

Farmer Brown entered, replying, “I’ve got my flock of 5 geese!” The geese followed behind, beginning to peck at the set curiously.

“Wonderful!” the host crowed. “And farmer Alston, I see you’ve got chickens. Wow… there’s one, two, —”

Farmer Alston quickly interrupted, “Don’t count my chickens before they match!!”

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